i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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