he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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