You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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