I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So much rum. So many feels.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
