No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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