worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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