Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
