i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
