Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
