even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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