I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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