an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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