What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
