He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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