Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
