sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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