I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize