just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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