There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
