:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
