Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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