I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
