so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize