i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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