On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
