How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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