Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
