god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
