Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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