ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
