This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
