But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
