Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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