Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
