Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize