JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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