Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
