if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
