that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
