she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
