I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
