No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize