i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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