the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
