She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
