I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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