i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
