Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
