C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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