You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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