I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
