exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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