He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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