they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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