I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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