It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
