He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
