Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
