R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize