Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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