M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
