Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
