let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
