I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
