that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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