Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
nutella sex= disaster
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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