one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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